Once upon a time there was a man named Peter. He was an upright man. A noble man. Aman of morals. A man of dignity. Unfortunately a pigmy. They called him...
Pigmy Pete.
When Peter was just a lad, his mother thought he would grow up big and strong. But no matter how much vegemite and marmite she fed him, he remained a stable 3 ft 2. Her dreams of him becoming either a basketball player or that tall dude that can reach the highest shelf were dashed, shattered, broken, sat on like i sat on my bird tiny all those years ago.
As he became older, Pigmy Pete grew weary of his small stature. He tired of being used as every Tom, Dick, David, Henry, Thomas, George, Dash, Jarrod, Harold, Ghodrat, Stephen, Taeed, Daniel, Ted, Geoffrey, Obama, Andrew, Richard, Kevin, Melcolm X, Jesus and Harry's Personal Leaning Post.
He tired of the jocks throwing him into the long grasses to play find-the-pigmy. Tired of the jocks losing their focus as the cheerleaders walked past. Tired of realising he had been abandoned once again in the snake ridden field of hell, a maze he had never made it out of in under 3 ours, 4 minutes and 36 seconds, to be exact.
He knew that noone, not even his overprotective mother would ever understand how painful his life truly was. How each and every day he faced perils unimagined by the rest of humanity. Perils such as walking directly into the line of fire of someones fart. Perils liek being stabbed in the left eye as Lois kicked up her eel in appreciation on her superman's kiss. Perils such as the extra velocity bird excrement has on impacting the discerning gentleman standing 2.4 feet lower than the majority of the world's population...